


Things I Have Loved

by AsexualArchivist



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bittersweet, Gen, Pre-Campaign, Yasha and Molly’s circus days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 23:12:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17395529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsexualArchivist/pseuds/AsexualArchivist
Summary: Winter reminded Yasha too much of home, so bleak and colorless and dead.





	Things I Have Loved

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place some time before the campaign, after Molly and Yasha have known each other for a little bit but before she trusts him completely.
> 
> In other news.... that playlist was something huh?
> 
> (Title from Regina Spektor’s “The Flowers”, which I think is a very Yasha song)

Yasha loved the circus; she loved the bright colors that reminded her of wildflowers, the smiling faces of both the performers and the audience during the shows, the costumes and the lights and the music... but sometimes all the people talking and laughing so loudly could get to be a bit much. And when the circus was traveling, there were no bright colors or music. It was just people, and people made Yasha nervous. Nervous and sad and lonely.

She preferred to be alone anyway, she told herself as she walked off from the group. The rest of the troupe were setting up camp, and Yasha could hear loud, obnoxious singing drifting over, followed by snorts of laughter. She smiled fondly, then set down her pack and her sword and sat cross-legged, facing away from the camp. 

It was getting colder the farther they got up north; Yasha could see her breath drifting in front of her face in puffs of smoke. She watched her exhales quietly for a moment, then rummaged around in her pack. The sigh that escaped her lips as she pulled out her book of flowers sent up white cloud around her head, almost like a halo.

Every flower was different, and every one was lovely. Yasha felt herself smiling in spite of the cold wind that bit at her exposed face and hands.

There wouldn’t be many flowers this far north, though. Another sigh, sadder this time. The grass here was yellow and brown, and the trees had already lost what little color they might have had. It reminded her too much of home, too much of a time she would rather forget, or at least not think about right now. Too much of-

“Oy, Yasha!”

Startled, Yasha spun around wildly and fumbled for her sword. She turned to face her attacker and saw- a purple tiefling, head cocked and smile crooked. Belatedly, Yasha recognized the voice: Molly. She relaxed.

“Sorry, Molly, I’m a little on edge tonight.” Molly sat down next to her, not waiting for an invitation. He never did, but Yasha didn’t mind. He stretched out on the cold ground, legs splayed and arms stretched behind his head. Without a word, Yasha laid down too.

“The weather’s changing, huh?” Molly said, glancing at Yasha’s collection, then gazing back up to the sky, where clouds were starting to overtake the stars. “Taking a turn for the worse.”

Yasha just nodded. Like a cat, Molly curled up against her, burying his face in her side. 

“You aren’t thinking of leaving again, are you?” He asked, voice muffled by Yasha’s cloak. 

Yasha patted his head. “Not yet. But soon. I have-“

“I know, I know, there’s things you can’t tell me, but- I just miss you. The rest of us, too. The twins, and Toya, and Gustav, and Bo- we all miss you when you leave. You know that, don’t you Yasha?”

Yasha didn’t reply. She had joined up with the carnival out of necessity; on her travels, she had eventually realized that she couldn’t survive on her own forever. But any adventuring party she approached gave her distrusting looks. She could hold her own, but she was a bit... conspicuous. And threatening. And... weird, to put it bluntly. So of course she fit right in with the circus folk when they traipsed into town. She had only intended to stay for as long as it took to earn a little coin, then be on her way again, but... she missed them when she left. It had been a long time since she had wanted to come back to something.

“Molly...” she started, not sure what she was going to say even as it left her mouth. “I can’t...”

Molly seemed to understand. “Well, you can’t stop us from missing you, dear, unless you stay for good.”

Yasha felt fear clawing at her gut at the thought of staying with these people; not because she didn’t want to, but because she desperately, desperately did. “I mean it, Molly. I can’t, I. I can’t-“

Yasha couldn’t find the words to say. _I can’t lose anyone else? I can’t let someone become that important to me? I can’t admit to myself that you all are already people it would break me to lose, no matter what I do?_ Molly didn’t seem bothered by the lack of an answer, though, so she instead stayed silent.

For awhile, the two of them stared at the stars, just enjoying each other’s company in companionable silence. Then Molly stretched, and hopped to his feet in one fluid motion. He shifted nervously on his feet for a few moments before pulling a folded piece of paper from his pocket.

“I know you’re collecting those flowers for someone. And you don’t have to tell me, I respect that you don’t want anyone to know but-“ and here Molly looked genuinely nervous, maybe even a little embarrassed. “Here. The twins helped me learn how to make them.”

Unfolding the piece of paper, Yasha gasped softly as a dozen or so flowers made of paper tumbled to the ground.

“Since we won’t be seeing any real flowers for awhile, I thought you might want something to tide you over,” Molly said with a flourish of his coat. He turned away, but Yasha could sense the tension in his shoulders as he continued. “You- uh, you don’t have to keep them, though, I mean, if you don’t-“

“Thank you, Molly.” Yasha could feel tears pricking behind her eyes. “Thank you.”

He grinned ear to ear, and gave a dramatic bow as he backed away. “Don’t worry, darling. If we all have our way, you’ll never go a day without seeing a flower again.”

Then Molly’s back was to her, and soon he was out of earshot all together.

Yasha allowed one tear to track its way down her face as she gathered up the flowers and placed them, gently as possible, into her book with the others. Then she smiled, gazing up into the midnight blue sky. The clouds that were gathering shifted, exposing a brilliant white sliver of moon surrounded by pinpricks of stars. It didn’t look like it was going to rain tonight, at least.

Yasha wasn’t going anywhere, at least not tonight.


End file.
